[London,] 3 July 1865 
Maiden Tower 

Dear Miss Lilliput! 

You must excuse the ‘belated’ character of my answer. I belong 
to that sort of people who always look twice at things before they 
decide one way or the other. Thus I was rather startled on 
receiving an invitation on the part of a female minx, quite 
unknown to me. However, having ascertained your respectability, 
and the high tone of your transactions with your tradespeople, I 
shall feel happy to seize this rather strange opportunity of getting 
at your eatables and drinkables. But, pray, don’t neglect the latter, 
as spinsters usually have bad taste of doing. Suffering somewhat 
under an attack of rheumatism, I hope you keep your reception 
room clear of anything like draught. As to the ventilation 
required, I shall provide for it myself. Being somewhat deaf in the 
right ear, please put a dull fellow, of whom, I dare say, your 
company will not be in want, at my right side. For the left, I hope 
you will reserve your female beauty; I mean the best-looking 
female amongst your guests. 

I am somewhat given to tobacco-chewing, so have the stuff 
ready. Having from former intercourse with Yankees taken to the 
habitude of spitting, I hope spittoons will not be missing. Being 
rather easy in my manners, and disgusted at this hot and close 
English atmosphere, you must prepare for seeing me in a dress 

@ Edgar von Westphalen - > See this volume, p. 159. 

rather adonistic. I hope your female guests are somewhat in the 
same line. 
Adieu, my dear unknown little minx. 

Yours for ever 
Doctor Crankey 

No British wines, I hope!