Karl Marx

English

Written about 3 February 1862.

["Die Presse" No. 39 of 9 February 1862]

"Originality" or "individuality" mark out insular John Bull in the continental imagination. By and large, this imagination confuses the Englishman of the past with the Englishman of the present. Sharp class development, an extraordinary division of labour and so-called "public opinion", managed by the Brahmins of the press, have, conversely, produced a monotony of character that would make a Shakespeare, for instance, fail to recognise his own countrymen. The differences no longer belong to individuals, but to their "profession" and class. Outside the profession, in everyday intercourse, one "respectable" Englishman so much resembles another that even Leibniz would hardly be able to discover a difference, a differentia specifica |specific difference| between them. The much-praised individuality, banished from all political and social spheres, finds a last refuge in the crotchets and foibles of private life, there now and then to assert itself sans gêne |unconstrainedly| and with unconscious humour. It is therefore mainly in the
courts of law—
these great public arenas where private crotchets clash head-on—that the Englishman still appears as a being sui generis |beings of their own kind|.

After this preliminary remark, to an amusing court scene that took place a few days ago in the Court of Exchequer. Personae dramatis |the dramatis personae| are, on the one side, Sir Edwin Landseer, the greatest English painter of the present time, on the other, Messrs. Haldane, London clothes-artists of the first rank; Sir Edwin the defendant, Messrs. Haldane

plaintiffs. The corpus delicti consisted of an overcoat and a dress coat, to the value of £12, which the painter refused to pay. Sergeant Ballantine pleaded for Landseer, Mr. Griffits for Haldane.

Haldane testifies: Sir Edwin Landseer ordered both coats. They were sent to him to be tried on, and he complained about the height of the collars. They were altered. Now he complained that he could not wear them without feeling hot and uncomfortable in them. Furthermore, they scratched his hair. In accordance with the defendant’s wishes, various alterations were made. Finally, the plaintiffs refused any further alteration, unless they were specially paid for it. Landseer then sent both coats back by his servant. The plaintiff thereupon sent him the following letter:

"We hereby respectfully take the liberty of sending you the two coats, after they have again been altered according to your last instruction. The numerous and unsuccessful alterations of which you speak are your own fault. At the first fitting the coats stood excellently well; but when you contort your body into the most irrational positions, more than human science would be required to get it right for you. (Laughter.) We made the alterations you demanded with the greatest reluctance, considering them superfluous and contrary to art. But now we find it impossible to give way to you any further. The idea of your demand that we take the coats back is altogether out of the question. We therefore enclose our bill and request prompt settlement."

Sergeant
Ballantine
: You do not mean to assert that the coats now fit?
Haldane
: I do assert this.
Ballantine
: Did they not stand better before they were altered?
Haldane
: Yes. – B.: Coats are not your speciality. You are great in the trouser line, are you not? – H.: Well, yes! We are more famous for trousers. – B.: But not for coats? Did not Mr. Alfred Montgomery, who introduced Sir Edwin Landseer to you, warn him against your coats? – H.: Yes, he did that. – B.: Did you or your brother not say to Sir Edwin that you would prefer to make him the coats for nothing rather than not make them at all? – H.: We said nothing of the sort. – B.: What do you understand by "weakening" the collars? – H.: Sir Edwin complained that the coat collar scratched his neck. We therefore weakened the collar, i.e., we reduced it to a smaller scale. – B.: And how much do you charge for this reduction? – H.: Two or three pounds.

Sergeant
Ballantine
: Sir Edwin Landseer thought it necessary to bring an action on account of Haldane’s insulting letter. Mr Montgomery advised Sir Edwin to entrust the

lower part of his body to the firm of Haldane, but by no means the upper part. Although a great artist, Sir Edwin is a mere child in these matters and therefore risked the hazardous venture, and the jury sees what the consequences were. The plaintiff, whom the jurymen have just seen on the witness stand, is also a great artist. But will a great artist ever remodel his work? In the feeling of its excellence, he must stand or fall by it; but Haldane did not stand by the excellence of his work. He agreed to alterations, insofar as they corresponded to his own principles. And then to demand two to three pounds for his botching! I have the honour to address here a tribunal that wears coats; I ask it whether there is a greater torment in this world than stiff collars under the neck? I hear that when Sir Edwin tried on one of these coats, his neck was in a vice and England was in danger of losing one of its greatest artists. Sir Edwin agrees to put on the coats in question here in court, and the gentlemen of the jury can then decide from their own observation. I now call Sir Edwin as a witness, and he will tell you the story of the two coats.

Sir Edwin Landseer: ... When I put on the coats—the collar stood like this. (Here Sir Edwin turned round and presented his back to the jurymen amid ringing laughter, leaving behind in their minds the impression that he had suddenly been seized by apoplexy.) ... I offered to leave the decision to the arbitrament of the first tailor who came along; but for all that, everyone must know best himself how his coat sits or where the shoe pinches.

Mr.
Griffits
: What did Mr. Montgomery say when he introduced you at the firm of Haldane? – He said to me: "Sir Edwin, on average you are not so fortunate with your trousers as with your coats."

Griffits: Will you try on the coats here? – Why not? (Puts on one of the coats.) Now, look! (Laughter.)

Baron
Martin
(the judge): There is a tailor among the jurymen. Will the gentleman have the goodness to examine the corpus delicti closely?

The said tailor leaves the jury box and walks up to Sir Edwin, has him put on the dress coat and overcoat, inspects them with the eye of a connoisseur, and shakes his head.

Griffits: Sir Edwin, do you consider the dress coat too tight? – Yes! (Laughter.) – Too narrow? I ask. – Well, I should have to take it off if I had to
dine in it.

Ballantine
: Then, Sir Edwin, you shall stand in it no longer. Emancipate yourself from it. – I am much obliged to you. (Takes the coats off.)

After the pathetic pleading of both advocates and a droll summing-up by the judge, who notably pointed out that English comfort must not be sacrificed to the artistic ideals of the firm of Haldane, the jury vote |the voice of the jurymen| decided in favour of Sir Edwin Landseer.